Family matters

Editor’s note: Michelle Finzel is project director at Maryland Marketing Source, a Randallstown, Md., research firm.

In its long history, TV has produced many memorable nicknames. The Cunninghams were friends with the Fonz; Gilligan was affectionately referred to as Little Buddy; and seemingly every character on The Sopranos goes by some catchy second name (many of which can’t be repeated here).

Life must imitate art, then, for around the East Coast research market, I too have been given a nickname. It was bestowed for my position at Maryland Marketing Source Inc., the research company at which I work. Around these parts, I’m known as The Daughter.

This nickname caught on more and more as I was introduced around after having joined my mother at her market research company. Often I was greeted with a handshake, a smile, and the cordial affirmation, “Oh, so you’re the daughter!”

But what does it mean to be the daughter? What does it mean for both my mother and me, members of the same family as well as the same small business? This question has likely been asked by many people in the research industry, which seems to have more than its share of family businesses.

So what are the answers? Well, I can’t give you a one-size-fits-all answer. It really depends on each person, each family and each company. What I can offer, however, are some tricks of the trade, some nuggets of knowledge that may help keep your organization successful while also leaving your family tree with all of its limbs intact.

• Discuss expectations and define roles

Before any final decisions are made by both the joiner and the joinee as to whether adding more family members to the company is a good idea, all parties need to talk about what each expects for themselves as well as from each other. It could spell personal and professional disaster if expectations aren’t being met because they weren’t formally set ahead of time. Everyone needs to discuss each other’s plans, priorities and goals because it’s amazing just how surprised you can be by what you thought was important to those close to you and what actually is.

According to Barbara Bridge , my mother and president of Maryland Marketing Source Inc. and Bay Area Research LLC, this too can become a family event. “Before I invited Michelle to join the company, I discussed it with my husband and my father, Michelle’s father and grandfather. And I know she talked with her husband and friends about it as well.” The input of those closest to you is invaluable. They can help you weigh the pros and cons of whether to combine efforts at work because they have been observing your relationships for quite some time and can probably be considered experts on the matter. And since they are also going to be affected by whatever decision is made, they may appreciate the opportunity to share their thoughts.

Further, openly and honestly discussing your expectations allows you to clearly and concisely define each person’s role within the organization. Says Merrill Shugoll, president of Shugoll Research and daughter-in-law of company founder Joan Shugoll, “Make sure you have a defined role, and are not stepping on other family members’ toes. Be collaborative not overlapping.” If each family member is given their own specific path to follow, the company will grow as everyone moves parallel with one another. With too many intersecting points there could be some difficult crossroads.

• Create your own space

A good way to keep from stepping on anybody’s toes is to make sure you physically stay off of each other’s feet. As a family you may be very close, but spending too much time together will strain any working or familial relationship. Having your own working space is just as important as having your own living space. Though you are related, you are individuals and need your own area within which to be creative and productive in your own ways. Plus, let’s face it, we all have those days where we just need to retreat into our own corner (or wish someone else would) and knowing that you each have a safe place of escape helps create a non-hostile, comforting work environment.

• Keep family life and business life separate

I know it sounds easy, but it’s much harder than it seems. When you’re face to face with a person or people whose life directly impacts yours, it’s difficult not to talk about it. The temptation is always there. Try to fight it, though, because your co-workers probably don’t want to hear about every birthday party and shopping excursion, and those joining you at the dinner table will feel left out of the shop-talk conversations.

Mixing business with pleasure can also be more than an annoyance to those around you. It can cause undue stress on relationships both at home and at work, especially if a situation escalates. Family members who work together must be able to leave domestic quarrels at home and office issues at work. Life includes disagreements, especially when it comes to your family and your career, but conflict doesn’t have to be negative.

As was the case with my mother, and with Joan Shugoll, the business of market research happened by accident for them, but the companies they built didn’t. Welcome moments of differing views as a chance to collaboratively discuss and discover how each generation’s experience and education can contribute to the success of the company. Discuss all ideas and explain to each other why you may agree or disagree with each one.

Without learning the why of a decision, a new addition to the company cannot begin to understand the what. And if tension begins to get too thick, perhaps bring in an unbiased third party to help mix it up a bit. Once a problem is dissected into individual pieces, it is usually easier to understand and then solve. As Joan Shugoll said to me of her experience working with her son and daughter-in-law, “Sometimes you know more than they do, and sometimes they know more than you do. If you disagree, you’ll find a way to work it out and live happily ever after.”

• Offer and accept criticism and praise

Both praise and criticism are integral to the growth and success of every employee. Outstanding work should be recognized as such and improper behavior cannot be allowed to continue. Easy, right? For some maybe, but many people find it difficult to provide feedback, especially negative feedback. This is further amplified when the person who needs to adjust is someone whose pain you also feel, or whose ego can drive you crazy.

No one is perfect, regardless of what any proud parent might wish to think. If criticism becomes necessary, both parent and child (or whatever the relation) should try and remember that the best interest of the organization must remain at the forefront of everyone’s priorities. Be open to the information given and received, and take time to think everything through before reacting. Taking time to mull everything over allows you to deal with and move past the initial emotional reaction, so when it’s time for discussion or taking action, all parties know they are doing so without being too defensive. Again, I know it sounds simple, but when placed within the situation it can be difficult to fight one’s own emotional reaction.

It is similar when offering praise for a job well done. Some relatives find it tricky to present other family members with high praise. Just as we don’t want to totally deflate a person with puncturing criticism, we also don’t want to overinflate anyone’s ego and create the proverbial monster - family can often be more sensitive to this. Also, you don’t want to find that you have to contend with the concern as to whether or not the praise is deserved (by coworkers or by the relative receiving the praise). But as any good leader would most likely advise, as long as both the praise and the criticism are balanced and consistent, the message should be effective and successful. “When I had to pass along client criticism to my daughter,” says Barbara Bridge , “it honestly did hurt me more than it ever had with other staff members. Conversely, passing along client praise makes me feel doubly proud, both as a boss and as a mother.”

• The big question: Info  rm the clients?

As is always the case, the possible answers to this question are not without their own pros and cons. On the one hand, some clients find a family-operated organization to be warm and inviting. They may view your organization as one they can trust and believe in your willingness to work hard. This could possibly open the door for more long-term business relationships to develop. On the other hand, complications could occur where a client may doubt credibility, feel outnumbered or possibly worry about their ability to be honest for fear of hurting anyone’s feelings. This general feeling of ickiness is kryptonite when it comes to growing those long-term relationships with clients.

So it’s up to you, really. Whether you are mother and daughter or husband and wife, there is so much upon which this decision depends. It depends on your comfort levels and relationships with your clients, and more importantly, it depends on your individual comfort levels as well. Trust your gut on this one.

• Mutual respect is a must

This goes without saying and cannot ever falter. Unless each relative truly respects each other’s talents and capabilities, then all is for naught. This is especially true of family-staffed organizations that are of the parent/child nature. The parent should always try to bear in mind that your shoes are large ones to fill and you have been forging your path for quite some time. It can be extremely intimidating to join a parent’s organization, as well as their field, and know that everyone else knows exactly who you are and who your parent is. Such a reputation can cast a long shadow over a son or daughter, and it’s up to the child to create their own pathway out of it.

To this end, each relative must be allowed to act upon their individual instincts, try new things and be given the opportunity to make contributions as well as mistakes. And they must be allowed to do so without constant coddling. Even a mother bird pushes her baby out of the nest eventually.

Now I’m not saying to shove your fledgling out, dust off your hands and not look back - we all need a lifeline and when working with family, you should have the strongest support system of them all. However, there can be no growth if your up-and-comer never steps forth into the sun from under an already well-established and protective wing. Don’t worry; you’ll both know when it’s time to fly.

No bottom line

The bottom line is there is no bottom line. So long as each family member remains flexible enough to ride the tide as it changes - and it will - and as long as each person is completely honest with him/herself as well as with the rest of family and company, you should be able to surf every wave that comes along. As a career field, market research is a vast ocean with limitless opportunities, and with family working alongside one another, you should be in a position not to ask whether you think you will sink or float, but how far you’re willing to swim.

So does it make me special or cool to have been given a nickname in the world of market research? Well, I’m no Fonz - that’s for sure. But I’ve discovered that it’s no small matter to be The Daughter, either. It’s a title that carries much weight, but it’s up to me to create and fill the job description.

Remember, choose your battles, choose your priorities and choose your goals…but always choose each other.